I have enjoyed each day with different and new people.
I have smiled, smiled in my sleep and smiled in endless selfies.
Since last Friday something changed in me, I wanted more for my future.
I used to hate every part of me, every part of me I saw as a flaw.
From the age of 9 I started to get acne which at the time I thought was just a heat rash.
Until, I started getting bullied in school for being the spotty girl I realised I wasn't normal.
I was always made to feel as an outcast in school because of my untamed hair or my mixture of cultures.
But when you are young none of that matters till you have that moment of realization.
My moment was when I was 13. I was so skinny, tall and skinny and everywhere I'd go especially around my African family they'd always put extra food on my plate or exaggerate how thin I was.
All my silky straight hair I had been relaxing for 9 years was gone.
My self esteem was low. I didn't feel pretty or accepted into the group of girls everyone admired at my school yet I tried to do everything to fit in to be like them. Every trend I would buy to look like them, I would straighten my hair till every strand became straw. I would cover my face in foundation till the it was just layers.
I hit the breaking point. Every time I'd look into the mirror I'd cry at the fact my face was a place which I didn't love. I decided to stop crying and to just not care. I didn't care about myself anymore, looking pretty wasn't important and neither was anything else. I became a negative person who just didn't want to be here anymore.
I started to change. I began to smile more and speak to more people. I wasn't a shy person but I was always afraid of what people had to look at so I stopped talking to people so they wouldn't have to look at me.
In 2012 I decided to do a big chop again to remove all my damaged hair and just start a fresh.
I didn't intend to do a big chop however the hairdresser just picked it up and cut whatever didn't fit in her hand.
I left humiliated.
But, this was the start of a new woman.
My Mum saw how sad I was and said "it will grow"
I couldn't sit and cry about something which had already happened.
I began to feel comfortable with my hair, I learnt to love it.
Many people would approach me and say I looked like one of those girls in the 60's
The women in the 60's looked strong and independant so who wouldn't want to resemble that.
I stopped caring about the length of my hair and started enjoying my life.
The rest was a blur as somehow I ended up with a long and big Afro.
Summer 2013 people started commenting on my pictures asking if I would make You Tube videos and I'd laugh at the concept that no-one would watch me and listen to what advice I had to offer but then I saw the vision too and I did it. I woke up one morning, washed my hair and filmed the video on my phone.
I received negativity, people judging me for doing something different but I was lucky enough to be surrounded by friends and my Mum who always uplifted my spirits and encouraged me to keep going.
I loved being remembered for something which I was once ashamed of.
My love for natural hair and myself began to grow in a very beautiful way.
I accepted all my flaws and loved them.
I couldn't change them and even if I could why would I to be perfect?
What is perfect?
You are in control of your mind, how you see yourself is so important as no-one else can make you feel as good about yourself as you can. We all have flaws but instead of comparing ourselves to others we need to see the beauty in ourselves. Before I learnt to love I was always envious however now I spread love to every woman I see as it is so important to empower and motivate each other.
As women we shouldn't have to rely on a man or an object such as a make up tool to feel beautiful.
We should feel beautiful when we wake up or when we are at our happiest.
Your beauty will not be seen by everyone. Do not let that hurt you.
Those who see your beauty are worth appreciating.
Learn to love every flaw, appreciate your individuality and embrace it.
Be you.
Thank you Emerzy Corbin for capturing so many beautiful moments.
Being around him made me realise the importance of remaining humble as he doesn't brag about his talents.
His magic with his camera fascinated me every time so he's someone who you do not want to live without working with. Be sure to show him some love on his Instagram and his website.
@emerzycorbin
emerzycorbin.com
love,
Ginny